I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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