NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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