i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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