Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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