a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
