im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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