Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
