Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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