I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
