I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
