Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
