First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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