take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
