And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize