Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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