woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
