those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
