just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
