We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
