Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
