i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
