I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
