So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize