I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
