More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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