Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
