oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
