put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
