I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
