Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
