I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize