I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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