I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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