bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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