White coat. Heels.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
