We're facebook friends in real life
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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