when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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