I'm going to jail i love you
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I will be naked everywhere
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
