If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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