what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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