My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize