This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
