There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
