Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
