So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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