My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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