I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
