so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm determined to sit on that face.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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