Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
