You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
we're so committed to being not committed
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
