I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
