dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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