I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
