I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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