I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
