Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
