So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
