when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
