operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize