i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
