Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
