Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
