Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We need to get me chipped asap
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