i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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