He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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