The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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