Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
