omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my being single is dangerous.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
